Here, at “Marriage Counseling Bluffton – Hilton Head, SC” you will find what you are looking for: an experienced and professional psychologist who shows couples truthful ways how to save a marriage and regain what you think you’ve lost in your marriage or relationship.
Hi, I am Paul W. Anderson, PhD, Marriage and Family Psychologist.
Specific to relationships and help for couples, people are concerned about the loss of psychological joy, emotional closeness, trust, respect and clear communications with each other. The stunning truth is that you can recover these things and it is not you or your loved one who’s at fault for losing the quality people want in marriage!
This is the truth I have learned in over two decades of full time professional private practice:
It’s not people who screw up marriage and significant relationships. It’s the patterns of thought and interaction we use that mess things up.”
Poor interpersonal dynamics lead to troubled marriages. It starts with cultural myths and goofy ideas we learn from others. Americans are not worse people than other nationalities. Rather, our high divorce and break-up rates come from the way we think about and do marriage.
However, once the marital trouble starts, couples have a tendency to blame each other for the problems. I hear it all the time: “If he would just (———-fill in the blank), then I could feel better and be nicer to him.” But he says, “If she didn’t do (————fill in the blank) I wouldn’t do what I do. What does she expect?” Perhaps you know what I’m talking about, “The Blame Game.” All can do is make things worse!
It’s not the people: it’s the way Americans go at marriage. I show couples better ways to relate, handle conflict and get back to using their loving selves with each other.
For example, here are six major mis-informed and erroneous, but common, psychological beliefs about marriage that do not work and lead to trouble, guaranteed:
- Love is enough to make a marriage work well over time. Not so. It takes skills to save relationships, the right skills.
- Married people have lesser sex, in quality and quality. On the contrary; if you talk about it, it gets better. If you mindfully practice sexual activities, the bonding and connecting grows deeper.
- If my spouse or partner loved me, they would know what I need and want. Oh boy is this a biggie! Do you think you married a clairvoyant? I hope not, if you value your privacy. That’s what a marriage is for: to practice telling another person who you are, in depth and detail. And, in turn, listening to them do the same with you.
- Conflict in the relationship means the love is gone and the marriage is over. I don’t think so. Couples who fight are not finished with each other. You don’t fight with someone you don’t care about and have feelings for We only have feelings for a person we have a relationship with.
- If we are soul-mates and meant for each other, we can work it out on our own. We don’t need a counselor. Do you say the same thing about your car, i.e. if you love it enough it’ll run for ever and if it has problems you won’t have to take it to the garage? Do you say that about your kid you love but, who has appendicitis? Don’t need no doctor! We can work it out.
- Marriage Should Be Easy and If It’s Not, Something Is Wrong! Where did we get this crazy idea? Relationships in general and intimate ones especially, are challenging. People are not easy to get along with, let alone live with year after year. And besides, what lessons, training and classes have you taken to get ready for the one relationship that affects more aspects of your life than any other?